You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
