So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
