i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize