Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
