I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
