I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
