I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize