did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
