I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
