you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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