I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
