just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
