are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
