There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
