We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
