sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
