when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
