It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
