How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
