so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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