I'm eating all of the evidence.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've blown a few things in my day
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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