I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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