As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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