yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
