my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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