"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
