Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
