end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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