I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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