eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
