:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
