I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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