Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
