Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
