My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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