Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
