so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
