saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
