the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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