I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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