You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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