He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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