You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
