The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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