it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
