just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
