How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
