I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
