You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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