bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
