Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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