I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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