Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize