we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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