how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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