I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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