i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
