I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
