yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize